cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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