; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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