dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
