the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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