I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
