That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Go christen that room with your naked body.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
