She announced her abortion via fbk
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
