end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Randomize
