I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
