Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
