i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
