if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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