We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I can't turn off my feet"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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