Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
