I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
