dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
