I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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