I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
