I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
