youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
