i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Im part way to drunk.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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