I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
