He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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