:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
