Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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