Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
