i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
