...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
