If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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