Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
