if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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