We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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