omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
