So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
