Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
