We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She's the barista slut.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
