Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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