Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
