I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
