i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
