I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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