Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
