You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
