the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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