You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
