And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
