My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
