just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
