Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
