Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
