their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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