the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
