I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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